Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Learning

We have just gotten started, and already the lessons have begun. In the past two years of waiting and praying for the open door to begin the adoption process, I have been grown like a plant- watered and weeded. I have learned to give up so much of my desires to be in control. I so very clearly understand that the only one in control is God, and His plans and time frame are perfect. So much better than my own. That has been hard to learn. The waiting to wait more has been hard. But oh the growth! I wouldn't have it any other way. And I know I'll be able to say that in reflection after all the struggles we are bound to go through on this adoption journey.

I had done all the research. I had a binder full of information and had contacted references, collected agency information, prayed over each decision we'd have to make... I knew exactly what steps we needed to take to begin. Just waiting to hear GO.

Two days before our yard sale I became anxious. What if I had heard God wrong and this wasn't His timing? It was asking a lot to raise $500 from the odds and ends we had to sell. Maybe this wasn't possible after all. But my loving Father reassured me, speaking to my heart that through Him all things were possible. I needn't fear. So for what will assuredly be the first of many times I laid this adoption down at His feet and said, "God, you are in control. Not me. May your will be done."

Two days later we had $500 in hand. This was His timing. So I gathered the initial paperwork we needed. Emailed the agency coordinator our family info sheet. Opened a new bank account. Sent off for some official documents. And froze.

The next step would cost $2100. I could wrap my brain around $500. But $2100 when I was just about to have my last day of work for the summer, and last paycheck? If I didn't send the agency the next set of papers I still had something to do other than wait and wonder how we would be able to do the home study. We needed a family picture, something we hadn't taken since Christmas. I found silly reasons to keep putting it off. I was afraid to move forward because it was the last step I had complete control over. Silly. I was doubting God and His ability to provide what we need for the next step. How could I have forgotten His provision just a week prior? I was placing God's ability in a box. Thankfully He found little ways of opening my eyes and setting me straight. I love how He does that!

So with renewed awareness that every aspect of this journey is completely in His more than capable hands, I once again laid it all down at His feet. The time frame that He reveals to provide the next chunk-o-change will be perfect. It might not be when I would like for it to be, but His timing will be perfect. It's my job to be ready and move forward with faith. So we posed for our picture. Gathered the last of the paperwork and tucked it nicely into a priority mail envelope and sent it off yesterday. I have a few minor things I can do at this point to move the ball forward, but for the most part we're seeking His will, beginning fundraising, and praying for $2100.



Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21







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5 comments:

Tara Anderson said...

Wow...it seems like just yesterday I was in your shoes!!! And in many ways I still am. :) Nearly SEVEN months into the process I'm still learning, growing, and being pruned. I'm STILL putting God's ability in a box, and waiting for him to provide that next big "chunk-o-change". And, yes, I'm still having to CONSTANTLY lay the process at His feet...putting all my trust in His very capable hands. I'm anxious to see where YOU will be seven months from now. I'm hoping that I'm home with my little boy...and a MUCH stronger faith than I had nearly seven months ago. :)

trina said...

Did you see my last post? :) I'm so excited for you!! trina

WilxFamily said...

Adoption is so amazing in that you have no control over anything except the will to trust God. CRAZY!!!

The money will come. I don't know if there is a normal adoptive parent out there that doesn't fret over the next 'chunk' that's due. It's amazing to see how God's hand of provision will cover your family just when you need it. It's so cool to look back on it know...so hard to be in the thick of it.

Your family is stunning! Absolutely beautiful, and the sweetest part is that you guys all just look so knit together and happy. *sigh*

Congratulations on some paperwork down, and some more to go! I am really excited for you!

Jean said...

Hi Kelly!
We got the bows- oh my, what a wonderful surprise!! The girls and I were thrilled! They are beautiful! Thank you so much!!

I am excited for you and your adoption journey!! Enjoy the ride- it is amazing!!

Blessings to you!
Jean

TanyaLea said...

Oh Kelly! ~ Where to start?! First off... I've missed you! I had NO idea all that has been going on in your life over the past month or two. Pretty much since we got our TA to bring Khloe home, I have been pretty out of the loop with so many...and definitely since we've traveled. I'm still catching up on our own posts and hope to be back to 'normal' blogging soon. It's a new normal, for sure...but happy to be on this side of things.

CONGRATULATIONS! Oh dear friend, as I think back over the past year or more that I've 'known' you and all that you've been through, all of your heart's struggles and heart-breaks...what WONDERFUL news to read about! I'm SO happy to learn that your journey has officially begun and I will ABSOLUTELY be behind you and supporting you in any way that I can every single step of the way! You have been an AMAZING friend to me, and I so appreciate that God crossed our paths when He did! Once I am caught up a bit on our blog, I will do a big ol' shout out for you and maybe host a contest or give-away...it'll give me some good excuses to purchase a couple extra fobs!! :) GREAT stocking stuffers, too...though I know it's a ways off. But anyway...SO happy for you and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!

Love ya!
~Tanya

P.S.>> And I can't remember if I officially thanked you for the sweet card you sent us after we got home with Khloe. THANK YOU!!! SO MUCH!!!!...it truly blessed my heart more than I know how to express...you are a God-send, dear friend...a GOD-SEND!!! <><