Thursday, August 13, 2009

The ride continues

I'm not one for roller coasters. I remember the last time I was at Disney World, 1984, to be exact. My dad and brother picked me up and carried me into the line for Space Mountain. I'm willing to bet there was a lot of kicking and screaming, but I think I have blocked out those specifics. I was a skinny little thing who just completed the 4th grade and it was easy for them to commandeer me onto the ride. What I do remember is hating every moment of it. I don't like anything about the feeling you get in you stomach on roller coasters, and I especially didn't like anything about being in the darkness. My college friends got me on one years later in much the same fashion. They are not my thing.

I'm feeling like I'm on a roller coaster right now. This has been one darn summer. I've had a lot of downs, quite a few twists and turns, and when I recount my blessings, well, there has been a peak or two. The difference between this wild ride and a real roller coaster is that it's not just a thrill that has a start and finish and no lasting ramifications. This is life and I've got God firmly holding me in his grip. As I sense that I'm tumbling and spinning out of my human control I'm reaching out to grasp his extended hand. It's still a ride I'm not all that pleased to be on, but the security of knowing that I'm not alone and that my Father will see me through this experience helps me to face my fears. I'm learning a lot about myself, growing in my walk with Christ, and gaining confidence.

I remember being a bit more self confident when Space Mountain ended. I had made it through. I would not go as far as admitting it was fun, but I had survived the experience. I hope that at the end of this wild ride I can look back and see how I have grown and be more confident to face the challenges that are ahead.

I really struggled last night and this morning. I finally fell asleep at 3AM and was wide awake by 5AM. I need an income. Was this what He had set forth for me to do? Nothing about it felt right. I was starting to feel physically ill about the decision. I prayed- a lot! Was in His word- a lot! Sought counsel and ultimately decided to hopefully not completely burn the bridge, but tell the owner that I couldn't accept her offer at this point in time. I feel so much more peace now. This situation also brought on a tough conversation that needed to be had- and continue. I'm sensing that was perhaps the ultimate purpose behind this.

I found out about a new church based preschool/child care that is still under construction about 15 minutes away. They should open Sept. 8. I talked to the director and she said she is staffing, but only as enrollment comes in and it has been slow since the building still appears to be a construction site. She gave me the email address to their application (5 pages- very thorough- essay questions!!)and asked me to mail it to her P.O. box. That made me hesitate. I inquired about her time frame and she said she hoped that enrollment would jump as soon as they were open and she'd hire as needed. So I have spent a while completing the application and I still have a bit more to go and will get it out tomorrow morning. Maybe this could be a better fit? In the meantime I'm going to focus on my bow business and see what other things I could make and sell. I'm entering my high season and I have had a decent pick up in sales the past week. I'm crafty. It's an area where He has gifted me and I enjoy. Maybe with the girls in school I'd finally have time to turn it from a hobby into more of a business??

So, I'm still on the ride. Hopefully I'm nearing the end because, honestly, I'm really sick to my stomach at this point! But I'm not alone, He is firmly with me, and I know I'll make it through.


1 comment:

Tara Anderson said...

I'm glad you are able to feel "the peace that passes all understanding" about the one job...even if there are so many other confusing things on the horizon! I know it's hard to remember from the back seat of the roller coaster ride, but God has His perfect job for His perfect time...and in accordance with His perfect will. I will continue to pray that you experience peace as you wait on Him.